The One That Got Away
by KamikazeCreamPuff
Summary: Hatter explains to Alice a thing or two about... LADY GAGA? A little crack!fic done in the spirit of April Fool's Day.


**A/N:** This fic was made without the permission of Lady Gaga, or the Syfy network for that matter. However, I do not doubt that she would find it amusing. ^_^

**Edit:** didn't save my italics first time 'round, and I didn't catch it. Sorry!

**

Alice would be the first to admit that she had experienced many strange things in her lifetime. Falling through a mirror into another world, running from a Jabberwock, escaping from a flying ship using only a hairpin, withstanding mental and emotional torture in a giant replica of her own home, flying a mechanical flamingo, and toppling the Queen of Hearts… these were not exactly everyday occurrences.

However, for the rest of her life, Alice would call this story one of the strangest, most out-of-body experiences she'd ever had.

It started with a music video.

**

First there was a "Hey—what?" and then a "Is that… it can't be…" Then there was a long pause, followed by a loud, jubilant laugh and a disbelieving "Nooooo!"

By the time Alice entered the room, curiosity piqued, Hatter was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, looking at something on the television with a ridiculous smile on his face. "What are you watching?" she asked.

Hatter looked up at her and waved her over to the couch, practically bouncing in his seat. "Alice, you've got to see this!" He didn't even wait for her to sit down before pointing to the screen excitedly. "Do you know who that is?"

Alice looked carefully at the MTV music video that was playing. She had gotten used to this kind of thing in the first two weeks after Hatter arrived, when he'd been entranced by Oyster pop culture and quizzed her mercilessly, but she'd thought those days had ended long ago.

"That's Lady Gaga," she said, recognizing the white-blonde hair and disco outfit. "She's a huge pop star here, always dresses up in crazy outfits. Performance art stuff. I think she's pretty good, actually."

Hatter's excitement didn't fade. He shook his head enthusiastically. "No, she's not!" he said, laughing to himself.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "You don't… think she's good?"

"No, I mean," he looked back at the dancing people on the screen. "She's not Lady Gaga, or whatever it is you Oysters call her. She's the Lady!"

Alice looked at him oddly. "Hatter, I don't follow."

"She's from Wonderland, Alice!"

Silence followed this very odd announcement. Hatter continued to grin and bounce ever so slightly in his seat like an excited puppy, waiting for a reaction to this new information.

"…Excuse me?" Alice tried, because obviously she must have heard him wrong.

"She's from Wonderland," Hatter repeated, turning the TV on mute.

"But—how?" Alice didn't know where to begin. Lady Gaga… from Wonderland?

(In her head, she tried to ignore how very, very much that explained -- but, as she looked on the screen at the woman now wearing a giant silver lobster on her head, that became more and more difficult to do.)

"Exile," Hatter explained simply. "She was just the Lady back when I knew her – worked as an inside woman for the Resistance. Very high up in the Royal Family – she was the headline entertainer for the Casino. Gave 'em tons of information. Actually," he paused. "I bet it was her that got the Resistance in touch with Jack… I had wondered how they'd managed that…"

"What happened to her?" Alice asked.

Hatter shrugged. "Well, she got caught, didn't she? Would've gotten beheaded, but the Duchess is her sister, see—"

"What!?" Alice exclaimed in disbelief. "You're kidding!"

"Nope. What, you don't see the family resemblance?" Hatter grinned. "I told you, she was high up in the Royals. The Duchess and the Lady, both Diamond nobility, so they were in pretty tight with the Hearts to begin with. The Duchess pulled some strings with Jack, and the Lady just got sent away, through the Glass, never to return."

"To become Lady Gaga."

"I s'pose so."

"Did you ever work with her?"

"Nah, not really. Too high up in the ranks for the likes of a teashop owner." Hatter picked at a fraying hole in the knee of his jeans.

Alice's head was so dizzy with new information that it felt like it was going to float right off her body, and just when she thought _my life cannot get any weirder_…

She started to laugh.

It started as an abrupt snort, and a hand flew to her face to hide her twitching smile. Hatter looked up at her, confused at first, but when he saw the look on her face and smiled himself, the floodgates opened. Giggles bubbled out between her fingers and in no time she was laughing so hard her belly ached.

"This is _insane_!" she said, wiping tears from her eyes as the laughter subsided. She looked at Hatter, just smiling at her with a bemused look on his face, and just had to grab his lapels and kiss him.

"What was that for?" he asked once they had parted. Alice shrugged.

"For being you. For being mad, and for making my world mad. Wonderful, but mad." She giggled again. "Lady Gaga, a resistance fighter from another world, living here in exile as a international pop star. Who'dve thought?"

Hatter's dimple flashed mischievously and he grabbed her hand. "You want to meet her? She's in town, on tour here, I saw the ad in the paper this morning." He stood up and started to drag Alice towards the door, ignoring her sounds of protest. "Let's go, come on, I'll introduce you!"

Alice stopped, shaking her head. "Hatter, you can't just walk up to Lady Gaga and say 'hi'. That's not how it works… at least, not on this side of the Glass."

He looked back at her, obviously confused, some of his energy ebbing away. "What? Why not?"

"Maybe you missed the part where I told you she's an _international pop star_?" Alice said. "Security around her is tight, they'll never let a pair of nobodies like us in."

Hatter sighed and rolled his eyes, looking the slightest bit sheepish. "I guess just saying 'we both come from the same alternate dimension' wouldn't really work."

"No. Probably not."

"Oh well," he said, coming down and folding Alice's hands in his own. "You believe me though, don't you?"

She smiled. "Of course," she said, and kissed him again.

**


End file.
